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Thursday, June 21, 2012

7.43am

Is 7.43am now.
N im stil awake. Neve sleep whole nite.
Im currently feeling free as im nt controlled by anyone n i can do wad i wan freely.
Dis is seriously de life dat iv been craving for all these years.
Bt im currently nt happy at all.
Im someone wic gets contented easily with simple happiness.
Bt y am i nt happy at all eventhou im dis kind of simple person?
Money always makes me happy as i always thinks dat nothing can make me happy except de hard earned money dat can buy me wad i wan.
Im wrong. Totally wrong.
Now, i have de money i wanted bt still im nt happy.
I dunno y, since whn i stop telling people abou my problems.
It has been my habit dat i dun share my problems to others.
I always keep keep keep n perhaps dis is de oly place dat i could throw all out wad i think.
I dont really hav a best fren to talk to as im afraid of being hurt once again afte de previous frenship dat actually hurts me loads.
Im always thinking y im someone dat cares so much whn i start caring?
Wouldnt it b good if im treating everyone equally?
Y im someone wic dun giv a damn on u whn u r no one to me n sacrifices everything whn i start letting u into my world?
I could do anything for de person i care whn i let her enter my world.
Dat is y im always hurt as i expect a return on how i treated her.
No one could giv u de same return as wad u sacrificed for her.
I noe we shouldnt expect for return whn u treat dat person sincerely, bt no matter hw u dun nd a return, u wil oso expect something frm her as she means alot to u.
Sometimes, it becomes jealousy!!!
I hate dis kinda me.
Sometimes it feels better to become someone wic is cold hearted, at least i wont get hurt.
One of de reason im here again is bcoz of her again.
De her dat im referring is de girl dat iv been loving since 8 yrs ago.
Received a msg asking me, '你快乐吗?'
I do nt noe hw to reply her at all.
Seeing her pic wif dat girl breaks my heart.
No matter hw i ask myself nt to think abou her anymor, il neve suceed.
I would rather dat she hates me n stop contacting me forever.
Eventhou im hoping her nt to cal me, bt each time my fon rings and messages comes in, im always hoping for her name to appear on my screen.
She seems to b very happy wif her current gf.
Dis is wad she has been wanting all these years.
De relationship dat is nt afraid of people seeing her holding hands wif her girlfren.
I could giv her dis kinda relationship as im always afraid of people seeing me holding hands wif her.
Im always afraid of dis n dat.
Always afraid dat my relatives would c n gossip bou it til de whole family noes.
Im afraid dat my parents noe bou it.
I couldnt even make her feel better.
I dun even noe y is she loving me so much wher i couldnt giv her anything.
I hav always been asking her bou wad she loves bou me, bt she couldnt answer each time i prompt dat ques to her.
De oly answer dat she gives me these 8 yrs is 'is de feel dat u giv me'
Im serious proud to say she was once mine.
Til nw, i havent reply her msg as i dunno wad to reply.
Perhaps dis is de reason i stay up whole nite.
I couldnt sleep at all.
How can i b happy withou her around?
I do nt noe hw to live withou her.
I miss her. I seriously miss her.
I miss her breakfast as well.
De sweet breakfast and havin her to kiss me to wake me up is so so so sweet n memorable.
Iv lost someone dat cares everything for me!!
Tracy wong! Stop thinking!!
U shud b happy for her as she has already found her ms.right!
I hope her ms.right would love her n loves her wif all she has!
Heartache!! :(






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